Art By Lisabelle

 

 

 

Sunrise On His Farm ... The Dis association Blues

His House, His Bed, 
She pulled out plaster and lathe,
from floor to ceiling, up and down ladders
She installed insulation in all
His additions
She painted the rooms in
His house, helped build His house...
She cooked
His dinner, an hour later, 
He invites another woman to sleep in
His bed.
To help, Him at His request in His house she lifted
His heavy wooden bed frame,  moving it from one room to another...
even lifting
His king size mattresses changing His sheets to comfort His body.
An hour later,
by His invitation, 
another woman sleeps in
His ...bed,
In
His... remodeled house, 
His Car, His Farm, 
For five years She chauffeured him around,
while he drank
His XXX beer,
littering, throwing
His XXX bottles out the window...
While she drove for him, in
His car,
He rolled down His windows...brrr
at  minus 32 degrees. When he got sober, she drove him to
His meetings, where
to make her look like she was
His...His hands were all over her during meetings.
She shivered, she drove
His car, His Beatings,
His car was taken from him
His sixth Felony Drunk Driving Arrest in six years,
His confession to her
that he purposely hit the other driver.
with
His...car
His words cursing her, His words "You !$# Bitch" His hands violently grabbing her...
in tender places while she drives
His car.
His Stealing, His Back Hoe, His back ache,
His Lawn Tractor, His lounge chairs, His lazy-boys, 
His Gator, His Fist, His jogging pants around my choking neck,
His Garden, His Dream,
His Fireplace, His Problems, His cruelty to animals, His two Daughter's broken hearts,
His Son, His death threats to my Son,
His Needs, His Needs, His Needs,
His Bathroom, His walls, His Food, His Stove, His Friends, His Life, His Wife, His Children,
His Everything, His Detoxing, His Family,
While
His Wife cries alone, He takes me to His church,
His attentive loving, live-in "babygirl", 
His Wife screams about money he spends on you, the other women. 
I was
His partner looking  like His Wife,
to many people, for many years,
I worked at acquiring my own source of income, even
while serving
His needs, 
While he pays for all
His Wife's expenses, though
His Wife's heart breaks that she does not serve him,
cook for him, sleep with him, answer to
His needs,
His Wife he supports, but  not the other woman who gives of herself
to
His life constantly without question or selfishness,
dedicated to being able to support herself, marketing and promoting my portrait art business,
Applying for work in Plastics Company,
By his request, two days before Valentine's Day, moving out,
Obtaining my own income source,
First by creating a job opportunity and accepting the job. 
His insulting treatment of me and my co-workers,  after hours in public,  at a nightclub, 
His spitting on floor while noticeably uttering racist and sexist slurs,
as witnessed by my co-workers and my employer,
The loss of my job three weeks later,
After that,  working as an artist, many charcoal commissions, November 2008 till January 2009.
My own contributions for our food expenses, shopping and cooking, for 
our meals,
Attending Church with him,
Working, delivering Chinese food, 
  For five years, contributing what I could to support myself, benefiting little from
His generosity,
Supportive of His quitting smoking,
drugs or drinking, by also quitting,
obtaining my own prescription drug for quitting smoking, 
quitting smoking with him,  for two months December 23, 2007 until February 21, 2008, 
Rarely if ever saying no,  to any of
His needs, for six years,
Answering all cell phone calls, or returning them,
Mostly loving and responsive to all
His interests,
His companion for five solid years together, even one year away, then when apart, being available by phone for lengthy romantic conversations, 
December 2009,
His invitation to be His confidant, 
Responding to
His verbal solicitation of my sympathy, regarding His  plight ,
as he told to me, 
His suspicions of 
His new "girl's stealing money, his passport and a Rolex Watch
from
His house", His feyning his trust of me, while feyning his distrust of Her,
His surprising trickery and deceit, that was all along His plan
to play her and I against one another,
then secretly teaming with the new "girl",
His purposeful  goal, obviously, her acceptance, and my defeat. 
His eye infection, His Physician's office, being  his doting Nurse, December 5, 2009, December 11, 2009
Administering to him, by
His requests His eye treatments for a week,
His bed, he lets you sleep with him... in,  for a whole week, after shopping for the bed with him, years before, and sleeping in it for three years,
His needs for a week, to make His new "girl" jealous,  His new "girl's" non-stop phone calls, and surprise visits.... I beg him not to hurt me, not to leave me for her, while in my presence, not to invite her in and give into her demands for His devotion to her needs, all to no avail, His excuse He can't say no to her. 
His lousy schemes to break His old "girl's" heart,
His stolen swimming pool, in His yard, A store's cover-up of theft he benefits from,
His need to expose you for satisfying His needs, at your own expense and reputation,
His making love to another woman, while you cry, just to break your heart, for His pleasure, His pleasure,
His needs, His desire, His wants, 
His body slamming me, from behind, into the metal sink counter, December 11, 2009 around 2PM, after using His Vacumn cleaner, tidying His house,
cleaning His toilet and stacking His firewood, just
three years before pinning my head and shoulders between the same metal sink cabinet and the floor,
throwing me over, bending my arms back so hard they hurt for weeks,
this was while I worked, painted and framed my art, just before an art show, His kitchen
floor with all my belongings thrown in a heap,
after I cooked our meals for years,
washed our sheets,  grabbing me from my sleep,
throwing me to the rural farm streets,
middle of the night, it's all her fault she dialed 911, she blew a good thing,  
His Law Breaking, His Lying, His Cheating
His Crying, His Crying, His Apologies, His promises, His bribes, His Money,
His Prison time, His Parole, His new "girl" will wait, she loves him, no doubt he knows, she waits for him.
His Parole,
His Probation, His Meetings, His Recovery
His Painting you gave him, that you painted for him, Your Painting in His burning barrel, His Choice,
His hatred of Jews and Africans
His hands on a twelve year old girl's breasts
at your art show. Your loss of public recognition and reputation,
His Gun, Shooting over your head, in the dark, in His farm house, His Bullets, His Lawyer,
His Knife at your throat, 
His Knife at her throat, His alibis are His new "girls" lies,
His Floor to be thrown down on, His time, His Name, His Boat, His marriage proposal,
His new "girl friend" ... knows she has won His Loyalty
"AT LAST..., MY LOVE HAS COME ALONG.....",
it's her throat now,
His wants, His needs,
she watched him throw
His old "girlfriend" to the floor...
"...after all," ...said the new girl "SHE LET HIM USE HER, WHY DID SHE STAY, I NEVER LET HIM TREAT ME THAT WAY ?

the new girl is  smarter than the old "babygirl",
"WE DON'T WANT YOUR CRAP",( a few of her paintings) says the "new" girl, 
His arms around His new "girl", to show and hurt His old "girl"
He kisses
His new girl, on His couch, while His old girl cries, sobs of a heart broken, watching them,
He takes
His new girl upstairs,
to
His bed... His old girl made for His comfort, an hour before.


....Can the old "girl" go on loving and giving...
Even if the player's are not the same players? As though nothing has changed, Her love is still good,
....Will this heart-ache and pain ever be accepted?
....Is the old "girl's" low self-esteem the cause of her own suffering?
....Is this holding on to the past? ....Will this pain, cause the old "girl" fear of her future?
.... Can the old "girl" overcome it?
....Is this Karma? ....Is the Victim responsible for being a Victim? 
....Is this retribution for bad Karma, clearing her path towards enlightenment?

....Do questions beg more questions?
....Is this a true story? ....Is
His Apology to be believed?
....Is this ego and "pain body" ?
.... the old "girl's" own choice of martyrdom?
....is it too late for the old "girl"?
....will she'll ever forget?
....will she ever forgive?
....is she too old to do any better? 
.....is she all used up?
....will she ever love again?
 .... is she dead?
...is this her swan song?
....Is she
His slave to Her grave?
Is this
His Victim?...His Victory?

His Good, His Bad.
His Sponsor, His Father, His Forgiveness, 

His First Time.... His Two Time... His Last Time. 

 

There are those who, upon being told that birth is suffering, will answer: When I was born I was too young to know anything, so I do not know of any suffering! If told that old age is suffering, they answer: I am not old yet! When told that disease is suffering, they answer: Since infancy, I have always been in good health, seldom experiencing any disease. Even when I was sick, it was only a minor discomfort; therefore, I do not see any suffering! When told that death is suffering, they say: Death has not come. Who knows that it is not a peaceful sleep? Upon being told that separation from loved ones is suffering, they say: The members of my family have always lived happily together, without experiencing any separation! If told that the company of the uncongenial is suffering, they answer: I haven't done anything to deserve anyone's wrath. There is no reason for anyone to plot against me! If we say that not getting what we want if suffering, they answer: I have everything I desire and need from life; I do not want anything else!

 

Can we say, however, that these people have no suffering? No. Precisely because they are well-endowed in body and mind, they are undergoing the suffering of the five raging skandas. Why is it that a well-endowed mind and body constitute suffering? Let us remember the trials for murder, robbery, rape and other violent crimes in our society. These occurrences derive in part from persons with too much time on their hands. With mind and body over-satisfied, they are subject to mental and biological stimulations. They are not at peace either sitting or standing and create problems where there are none, which leads to violent events. As an example, nowadays many people throughout the world lead self-indulgent lives, prone to hard liquor, drugs, illicit sex and every kind of indulgence -- fond of danger and cruelty. They are not physically and mentally at peace with themselves and, like a raging fire, engage in wrongful acts leading to inevitable suffering. This is the "suffering of the five raging skandas."

 

 

All images 2010Art By Lisabelle